one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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