i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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