Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
40s are totally the cure
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize