hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
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