The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
