Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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