I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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