oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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