Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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