I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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