We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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