I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
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My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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