well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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