Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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