I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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