You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize