He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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