They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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