My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize