You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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