If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
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I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
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It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
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