If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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