if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
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Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
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Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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