I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
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I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
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My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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