Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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