you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize