my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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