we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Even the bartender felt bad for me
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
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He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
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I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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