i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize