Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
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He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
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I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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