Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Someone shattered a urinal.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
this is an emotional support booty call
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize