I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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