you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
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Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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