so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
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Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
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We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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