we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
There r osticjed everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize