just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
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You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
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And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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