How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
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Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
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What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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