I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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