yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
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She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
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He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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