Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
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Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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