I'm so fucking centered right now
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize