Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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