she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
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Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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