I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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