Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize