Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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