Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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