I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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