Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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