What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize