Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize