he told me I talked like a deaf person
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
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He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
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I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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